EPISODE 9 WITH INTERSECTIONAL-FEMINIST DATING COACH LILY
Guest: Create Intentional Relationships with Lily Womble
In this episode of Hey Close Friends I had the pleasure of speaking with Dating coach and hype-woman Lily Womble. Lily is the founder of Date Brazen, an unconventional dating coach dedicated to helping you build a clear path to the best relationship of your life.
This episode is very special to me because of the nature of the topic we are discussing. I didn’t have much luck in my love life, I always felt like I was giving so much, but I was never receiving much back. This self-love journey made me realize even more how much time I was wasting going after these men that didn’t bring anything to the table while other parts of my life were so full and amazing. I realize that part of why I was giving chances to men that in my head I knew were not ‘it’ for me, is because of fear, and patriarchy programming. Everyone my age is getting married, everyone looks like they are in love, and that definitely raises some fear and rush in my head. I found myself time and time again, giving these men opportunities they did not deserve and being left completely drained of all life that makes me special. I am sure lots of you probably feel this way too, and after a while all of this becomes an exhausting cycle.
This self-love journey taught me to start focusing more on myself and be intentional with the people I share my precious time with. I really wanted to put myself first and love myself for the first time in a while. The amount of brain space I have gotten back since putting myself first is incredible. There is no rushing, no anxiety about who I have texted, or what I have texted and my schedule is so light and fluffy, no more worrying about if this dude is free on Saturday or not. One of my favorite things Lily says is that ‘You cannot say the wrong thing to the right person’ and that for me is so eye opening.
Another amazing advice Lily shared is that she hears so much dating advice that is geared towards the concept of ‘fixing it’. Fix yourself. Figure it out. Push yourself. Go out more. Just push yourself out of your comfort zone, which can be valuable sometimes. But how about softness towards yourself? How about you're the answer to finding what you want, so why don't you treat yourself like the solution to what you desire instead of trying to fix yourself as the problem?
HOMEWORK
Generate a self-compassion practice. It can be 10 minutes a day, or whatever. But I totally suggest the 5 minute self-compassion meditation by Dr. Kristin Neff (totally free by the way!). https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
Write a self-compassion letter. What thoughts do you have? Be brutally honest and real to yourself.
